In the last blog, I spoke of loneliness and disconnection. Internal one primarily. Today I speak of compassion. Compassion was been featuring in my life a fair bit through multiple mediums. Work, experiences, strangers, innocuous novels and tv serials. Or may be I am choosing to and am ready to see it.
What is not accepted is disowned. We figured that last time. What is disowned is mostly disliked, hated, treated with disgust & repulsion, evokes hostility in us. More often than not, when we see in others what we have disowned in our self, we then to hate it as well. And when it is in others, it’s easier to hate, easier to disown either.
If we leave the extremes of human behaviours aside, there is always a reason for our behaviours. Always. Even when we think it is stupid, it’s silly, it’s despicable, it’s disgusting, there is a reason. And most of the times, it has been an adapted one. We do what we need to do to survive, to live in our environment. What works, it stays. Sometimes, if repeated enough number of times, it stays even after the life situation has passed, even after it no longer has served the purpose. Cos sometimes we get stuck in time, or rather a hurt, wounded, scared, may be angry part of us gets stuck in time. The part that most of us wish wouldn’t be there. That most of us wish would just disappear, that most of us walk around hiding. What is resisted, persists.
What do we do? We like I said the last time, make friends with it. We circle around it, tolerating its presence, we stand a distance and bear our disgust and look at it and wonder, ‘what made you? What makes you?’ As we wrestle with these questions, we play Sherlock homes. Most of us would love Benedict Cumberbatch in our fantasy. So bring him on. Imagine standing with him, wondering about this despicable part’s motivations, purpose. Odds are as you be curious, you will realise you are inching closer to it. Aha! And you may discover you aren’t feeling as bad either. Hmm! Interesting! As you keep at, you may feel anger, shame at how human that makes us and may be sadness at what we endured. We inch closer.
As we seem within touching distance, you may feel some compassion, may be some pity for this sad little stuck part of you. You inch a bit closer. When you seem close enough and feel kind enough, imagine what you may offer a sad, lost puppy. A loving, a soothing touch.
Imagine taking that part, hugging it and just feel it. Keep doing that as that part surfaces time and again.
And one fine day, we will feel that part of you, within you, no longer despised, no longer distanced but a part of you, sharing with you the wisdom of how she survived, what she learned and believe she does have lots of it.
This my friends is self compassion. And when we do that time and again with ourself, we own each humane piece of ourself like putting together a jigsaw puzzle.
As you feel yourself getting complete, always remember,
You is smart,
You is kind,
You is beautiful,
You is unique,
You is human,
And you is you, just plain old, unique you,
And there is no one just like you.